


The Secret Journey

by pinkdiamonds



Series: The Journey Series [10]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Historical, Established Relationship, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-08
Updated: 2012-08-08
Packaged: 2017-11-11 17:12:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/480906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkdiamonds/pseuds/pinkdiamonds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In order to secure his future, John must journey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Secret Journey

### Hasting-On-Hudson, October, 1895

John moaned helplessly into the pillow he had his arms wrapped around. Rodney’s big hands had him pined down as his body writhed against the onslaught of Rodney’s mouth.

John had never truly appreciated that the tongue was a muscle until he had Rodney in his bed. His lover was using his tongue in ways John had never even let himself dream about.

With Sabina and the kids out of the house for yet another Harvest festival bonfire, Rodney had manhandled John into the bedroom, stripped him, piled up some pillows, and pushed John onto them face first. Punishment, he was told, for the slow seduction John had indulged in all day.

Rodney then quickly stripped off his clothing and started to lick John. He started with quick swipes of his tongue between John’s toes, soft, lush licks on his insteps, gentle sucking of his toes, and careful nips at his heels. 

Rodney worked his way up, tongue swirling in complex patterns and trailing his fingertips over John’s damp, hair roughened legs. He kissed the firm globes of John’s ass, murmuring his desire into heated flesh.

John was painfully hard, but he knew it was useless to rush his lover. The pillows raised his ass, and knowing he was on display, he spread his legs wider. John felt his cheeks being spread, and then a hot, wet tongue hungrily licking his cleft and he forgot about rushing his lover in his eagerness to push his ass into Rodney’s greedy mouth.

Time spun out endlessly as Rodney’s tongue lovingly opened him. John felt his entire body throbbing, and waves of desire spread out from his swollen, aching cock and balls.

Sweat beaded his body as muscles coiled in unbearable tension. Continuing to moan brokenly, John barely realized that Rodney had flipped him over and was moving him toward the edge of the bed.

John looked up to see a flushed and sweating Rodney looming over him with a predatory grin, his red cock diamond hard. John brought his knees to his chest, his answering grin teasing and challenging.

“Seriously, John? You are so fucking hot,” Rodney panted, as he finished preparing his lover.

“I could say the same about you, Rodney,” John gasped as Rodney’s fingers brushed over his prostate.

Unable to help himself, John pulled Rodney in for a kiss, their tongues thrusting against each other. John could taste himself, and it served to ramp up his lust. He didn’t want to wait any longer. “I want that beautiful cock inside me now,” he rasped.

Rodney entered John in a long, slow thrust, the hot grip of his ass causing him to shudder in pleasure. His hips moving smoothly, Rodney kept up the easy pace, until John began twisting under him, fisting the sheets.

“Let me see you touch yourself,” Rodney grunted hoarsely, his thrusts becoming shorter and faster.

John took himself in hand, his hand moving in a blur. His entire body stiffened and stilled in an intense orgasm.

Dripping sweat and moaning, Rodney pumped viciously into his lover’s ass before coming explosively. Slowly thrusting through the aftershocks, he shivered when he felt John’s blunt fingertips running up and down his back.

The two men rearranged themselves in bed, kissing gently as their heartbeats returned to normal.

“That’s what you get when you tease me all day,” Rodney slurred.

“Oh, yeah? Guess I’ll be devoting some more time to that then,” John said softly. “You love it, though.”

Chuckling, Rodney answered, “You’re right, I do. I love watching you lose control.”

John kissed Rodney softly. “Only with you, Rodney. You know that, right?”

Rodney stroked John’s face. “I know. I don’t know how I got so lucky, though.”

“Uh-uh. _I’m_ the one that got lucky,” John murmured. “I love you so much.”

Nearly asleep, Rodney reached out for John. “I love you too, John.”

John brought Rodney’s arm around him as they spooned. Very shortly, both men were sleeping deeply.

### 03:00 AM

John awoke in the quiet hours of the night. Instead of snuggling back into the warm bulk of his lover, he carefully and quietly rose. He found his way to the dressing room and lit a candle. The dressing room, built originally for Virginia Rose had every amenity money could buy. There were built in drawers and shelving in rich mahogany, and the polished wood floors were covered with several thick rugs here and there. On Rodney’s advice, two small, overstuffed settees had been added, and they made the already luxurious room, decadent. 

When Rodney had first moved in, he’d had his own room. It was mostly for show though, as the only time he ever used it after they became lovers was when one or the other of them was ill. For the first year he’d kept his clothing there for the same reason, and at his insistence. 

Rodney finally gave in to John’s demands to move all of his belongings into John’s bedroom. The master bedroom was separated from the rest of the household, and no one entered the room without a reason or an invitation. And frankly, John didn’t really give a damn if anyone knew. People were free to speculate, and they did, but John now had enough money to silence even the most vicious of the gossips.

John’s life had changed dramatically since Rodney. There wasn’t one thing that he didn’t want to share with the man he loved so much. They spent much of their time together, and were raising Patrick and James together. Over the last month however, John was forced to remember something he had managed to put out of his mind for years.

From the moment Rodney had shown him the device in the music room, John had known more about the device than Rodney could have possibly suspected. When Rodney had moved his stuff into the dressing room, one of the things he’d brought was the disc. John had asked to see it again, and, Rodney had reluctantly shown it to him, explaining how it worked.

While Rodney had some things about the device right, he didn’t have it all. John didn’t tell his lover, fearful he would lose him to the mysteries of the disc.

Once the device had been carefully stored in a hidden corner of the dressing room, John had been awoken one night by a whispering in his mind. It didn’t take him long to figure out it was the device beckoning to him, tempting him to take it into his hand.

The whispering had been distracting, keeping him from a good night’s sleep for a month before the whispering subsided. It was a struggle each night, as John had to fight to remain in bed, and not give in to the subtle seduction of the disc. After several weeks, he’d had to concentrate in order to hear the whispering, and John had put the device and the whispering out of his mind.

But over the last month, the whispering in his mind had begun once again, intensifying each night. What little sleep he got was broken by the same dream each night, until the dream became a nightmare. In the dream he and Rodney were seated in the music room as Rodney told him where he’d come from. 

He was always a silent observer to the scene that had taken place more than five years ago. The dream began the same way each night. . .

_Rodney is telling him about Atlantis, as his own face closes down in anger. Rodney removes the tags from his neck and hands them to John._

_He sees himself look at them, his finger softly tracing Rodney’s name and his own. “John Sheppard was your . . .” John hears himself ask._

_“He was my lover,” comes the swift answer. “And before I stumbled into the past, I wasn’t sure I wanted to live after he was killed,” he hears Rodney confess._

At the soft words, John always wakes up sweating, panting for breath, and in a total panic. Night after night. And then the whispering begins, making sleep impossible. It whispers to John, insisting he take hold, take the journey. 

John is convinced the device is trying to tell him something, communicating in the only way it can. John tried ignoring it, putting it out his mind by day, but every night the dream became more vivid, and the whispering louder, until it is more like a scream.

Last night’s dream had been so frightening, he’d ended up waking his lover when he couldn’t choke off his scream of horror in time. It started out as it normally did, but toward the end, John watched his dream self and Rodney melt as though they were candles, until they were both gone. He watched as the house around him did the same, until all that was left of the life he knew was an empty green field. 

He had soothed Rodney back to sleep as he tried to remain still and silent while he finally took the time to figure out what the hell was going on. In his mind he kept hearing Rodney repeat that he didn’t want to live. And he saw his life disappearing, over and over.

John knew Rodney was his life. John loved his children, his aunt, and his community, but he hadn’t truly been alive until a traveler from the future had burst into his life. When Rodney had told him that he wasn’t sure he wanted to live after Sheppard died, John hadn’t understood. Not then. Now, he couldn’t imagine his life without Rodney McKay, and he didn’t want to.

Between the dreams, the device getting into his head, and his own growing compulsion to use it, John was beginning to reach a painful conclusion; he _had_ to use the device. If he didn’t he feared his life would be taken from him. The only life that mattered.

Although Rodney freely talked about his time on Atlantis if asked, he rarely talked about his time on the city after Sheppard had died. There was only one conversation John could clearly recall. 

It occurred after John noticed Rodney was keeping a journal and he asked about it because it seemed so out of character for his lover. Rodney explained about his friend and colleague, Radek Zelenka, his only true intellectual equal on Atlantis, while wearing a bleak look. It was his way, he explained, of still maintaining that friendship, and bouncing ideas off of him. It didn’t even matter that it was a one-sided conversation.

Rodney told him about his team and how they became closer than family, but that Radek alone understood the beauty and poetry of science and math in the same way he did. John had understood immediately; although he’d always enjoyed math, he hadn’t loved it the way he did now. Under Rodney’s tutelage, math became its own language, beautiful and perfect.

Some time during the night, John had decided he would be using the device. He needed to ensure that someone would be there for Rodney after Sheppard got killed. That person would be Radek Zelenka. He’d briefly considered the two aliens on Rodney’s team, but rejected them almost immediately. They would be too familiar with Sheppard and would be all too likely to recognize him as an imposter.

His decision made, John shook off the last of the nightmare, and soon settled into a deep and dreamless sleep. Before sleep took him, he made plans for one perfect day in case something went wrong.

~0~

John had gotten his perfect day, and capped it off with a night of sensuous lovemaking. He’d gotten to sleep for a time next to his lover, and thought if anything went wrong, somehow he would remember and be able find Rodney in some other time and place.

He threw on the denim jeans Rodney had brought from the future and a long sleeved white shirt. The jeans were loose, but not overly so. He slipped on a pair of nearly new black work boots, and then dug around carefully until he found the device.

He grabbed hold of the disc and felt its power slam through him. Images and words, too fast to take in, assaulted his mind, and he sank to his knees in pain. He never saw the transfer from his dressing room to an empty corridor in Atlantis.

The pain fled, only to be replaced by a soft whispering that seemed to come from all directions. John opened his eyes and saw walls colored a soft silvery green, and doors with panels of stained glass. He heard whispering and realized it was coming from the city itself, and he spared Sheppard a moment of pity, wondering how he was able to deal with the continuous onslaught. Perhaps, he thought, it was something one got used to.

Trusting that the device had placed him when and where he needed to be, John hung back a bit and waited. From his position he could see it was dark outside, and the section he was in felt almost desolate. He was considering his options when he heard Rodney’s voice. He stuck his head out carefully, noting which door Rodney was standing in front of. 

His eyes cataloged the differences between this man and the man he’d left sleeping in his bed. This man was years younger than his lover, and tense.

“Just don’t fuck with the simulation, and we’ll be fine, Zelenka!” Rodney ordered. He paused, and then said wearily, “If you still think you’re right, run your own simulation.” 

If there was a reply, John couldn’t hear it. He hid behind a protrusion, watching as Rodney walked in his direction. 

“Sheppard?” Rodney spoke. “McKay, here. Are we still on for tonight?”

The reply caused Rodney to grin. “Yeah, okay. See you in five. McKay out,” he smiled.

John recognized the goofy smile Rodney wore. He saw it every time he told Rodney something especially intimate in a situation he couldn’t respond. It was as if Rodney were continually surprised and pleased that he had that in his life. He wondered what Sheppard had said to elicit that look.

Waiting another five minutes to ensure Rodney didn’t return, John focused on the information the city was broadcasting. The city seemed to be relating its status for all its various areas. He was also getting warm waves of welcome; he could hear it like a siren song, tempting and beguiling him. And beneath that, very faintly, another less pleasant emotion.

John casually walked to the door he’d seen Rodney in front of, and was unsurprised when it slid open for him. He saw a small man typing, frowning in concentration. Recognizing Doctor Zelenka from the pictures Rodney had shown him, he cleared his throat not wanting to startle the other man.

Radek looked up from his work and gave John a warm greeting. “Major Sheppard, I sent Rodney home a few minutes ago.”

“Thank you, Doctor Zelenka,” he began, running a nervous hand over the back of his head. “Um, I’m actually here to ask you a personal favor.”

Zelenka looked up, curiosity writ large across his face. “I’m happy to help you, Major.”

“If anything ever happens to me, I’d like you to help Rodney get through it,” John asked.

The momentary look of shock on Radek’s face was swiftly replaced by determination. John had no way of knowing, but he’d just neatly outed Rodney and Sheppard. Not that there hadn’t been suspicions, but in these early days of the expedition, scientists like Radek weren’t entirely comfortable with the military. That would change, and change rapidly after so much death.

“Of course, Major. Rodney is my friend,” Radek answered.

“Thank you, Doctor Zelenka. Well, um, goodnight then,” John replied, biting back the urge to add a meaningless platitude like ‘Don’t work too hard’. From what Rodney had told him, working hard on Atlantis was necessary in order to stay alive. 

“Goodnight, Major Sheppard,” Zelenka called out, as he watched John leave the lab, nearly at a run. Radek returned to his work, his conversation with John soon forgotten. It would be years before it was brought to mind, and he would wonder why he hadn’t thought to question the white in John’s hair, or his tense demeanor, so unlike his usual confident, nonchalant attitude.

John returned to the deserted corridor he’d appeared in, sweating and trembling in reaction. It took him a good five minutes to calm himself. Now that his task was completed, John was able to look around in true wonder. He knew it was probably pushing things, but given the apparent lateness of the hour, and the emptiness of this section of the city, John gave in to the temptation to have a look around. 

Peering up and down the main corridor, John began walking, following the lights that brightened as he approached. He soon found himself at a door leading to a balcony. He stepped out into a mild night and the sound of the ocean. Unfamiliar stars and two moons hung overhead, lighting the city. And for a brief moment, John was tempted into imagining life here.

He walked back in and resumed his wandering, taking in as much as he could, admiring the silvery blues and greens and bronzes of the city walls. Every so often a door would slide open, beckoning John to explore. He resisted the urge to enter any of the open doors, sensing this might be dangerous.

He soon found himself in a small closet like room, and felt movement once the door closed.. When the door opened, he found himself in a quiet building that opened onto an empty city street. He walked for a bit, peering into some of the buildings. He entered several, having a look around in amazement. The faint undertone of emotion that he’d felt earlier resolved itself into an overwhelming sense of loneliness that battered him. He knew it wasn’t his own loneliness, but that of the city, and he wanted nothing more than to ease her.

John never knew how much time he spent wandering the city. In the years to come, this interlude of time would seem more like a dream than reality. But he never forgot the beauty and the pain he experienced on Atlantis. 

John stood at the edge of a pier, listening to the swell of the ocean slapping against the metal, and lit by two moons he gripped the disc that he had carefully put in his front pocket, thinking only of home and the man waiting there.

~0~

After John vanished, all evidence of his visit was methodically erased save for his conversation with Zelenka. He had been careful, and Atlantis more so. Once again exceeding the parameters of her programming, she mourned his leaving. If it had been possible, she would have kept him with her. She had not meant to share her burden of loneliness, and had tried to make up for it by allowing him access to her beauty and her secrets.

Atlantis would recall John’s visit long after the memory of men faded, and find comfort.

~0~

John reappeared in his dressing room and swiftly replaced the disc exactly as he had found it. He undressed and slipped back into bed. Rodney hadn’t moved and John fit himself snugly to his lover’s body, taking him in his arms.

He concentrated, but no longer heard the whisper of the device. John knew without a single doubt that if he wanted, he could get Rodney to take hold of the disc and return them to Atlantis. He knew he, and the rest of his family would be welcomed on the city, if only because it would mean Rodney’s return. 

He breathed in Rodney’s scent, relaxing. He thought about the last hours of his life, deciding that as beautiful as Atlantis was, _this_ was home; the man in his arms, his sons, his aunt. As John surrendered to sleep once again, he knew that this place and this time was where he - - and Rodney - - were meant to be, now and always.


End file.
